School Magazine

(I'd like to acknowledge Andrew Starkey and Bernard Morris who I believe were the editors of the two productions I have and to the Staff who took so much stick)

Jacket in a Jiffy

Everyone has an old shirt somewhere, you could have meant to throw it out, anyway don't get rid of it - why not turn it into something useful?

Get it out and cut it to the right length you want. Gather the waist by using shirring elastic.

There are some nice buttons around and they could make a great difference to a plain shirt. You might even add your own pockets with leather or suede flowers. Studs are in fashion and names of fave pop stars can be pressed out on the back.

You now have a new jacket to mix 'n' match with trousers or skirts.

Elaine Miller (1976)

Secret Info for Ignorant 1st Years by Mad Michael O'Rourke

The following nicknames are for sale. Bargains at 10p a dozen. more supplied on request. But keep them under your vest.

D. Mills -Hector

(Alias Elton John)

S. HOYLE-Sammy

(SMUDGER) -Windsor

Davies

P.BIBBY Phil Reagan!

W.NORRIS (KNOCKER)

The man with the goldenbraces

D.Clarke = Eh! How do you spell BOFFIN!

D.Dodd

(Diddyman)

W.Corlett - Wild Bill Oddie

K.Jones= Groucho (or the noodle doodle man)

A.Lord LUMBER Jack

H.Harper=Dimp

I.Brazier= Fred Flintstone

I am worried about the mass use of incorrect grammar which has infiltrated the school e.g the use of the word "dove" as the past participle of the verb to dive.

Sure thing. Right readers the English language is being infiltrated by the mass use of incorrect grammar.

I have a worrying problem. I think I'm cracking up because of all the work I have to do at school and I'm certain that in a few days, I'll have a nervous breakdown. Please help me before it's too late.

If I were you I wouldn't worry about it too much, as it shows you are putting a lot of effort into your work. If you ease off now you may find that your brain becomes idle and you end up like those two beer slurping ignoramuses Mr. Bibby and Mr. Hoyle.

How to Beat Woolston

Well its 5 minutes till the end of class

And we'll go down to Woolston in a flash

We'll go in the changers and offer 'em out

I'll give that big 'un a terrible clout

We'll walk on the pitch, get 'em in right

We'll scream and shout and give 'em a fight

Some of them will look, then stare

They now are wondering how they'll fare

The might and the power of the Beamont pack

Will cut them up and drive them back

After half an hour of solid grime

They will be asking "is there much time?"

In the second half we'll make our move

With 25 tries we will prove

That Beamont rugby is the best

And Woolston was a worthless test.

Andy Emmerson (1978)